Tabitha, you don’t know how much I relate to what you just wrote about your mother. I won’t go into deets because I don’t want to hijack your pain or make it seem like I have it worse. I just so feel this because I have the same type of Mom. And I’m her caretaker! I will say this, when my father died about 8 years ago, I was there. I held his hand, I set him free by telling him we’d take care of Mom. I called my sibs who couldn’t be there to have them talk to his unconscious body. I sat the death watch for a man I once hated, and who I now felt only sadness for what could have been. I never cried. 8 years later, still no tears because I really just don’t feel anything for him. He was the male version of my mom but worse. Anyways, I’m sorry that you had to see someone that tormented you.
I want to add this too, I hate my father’s big hands. They only caused physical pain to me, that or a wooden stick. It took all my emotional strength to take his hand while he was dying.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, this toxic parental thing is so venomous and heartbreaking to deal with. So complex and painfully dense. I just always strive to see the lesson in the mirror of what the Universe shows me in these tests. And all I keep seeing is the strength despite their attempts to keep us weak! Stay strong, Robin!
It made me a better parent than my own, that’s for sure. Was I perfect? No. And I owned my mistakes. My 2 daughters turned out to be fantastic women. They will still hold my hand in public. 🥰🥰🥰🥰 now I need grandbabies! 😊😊😊 (but I don’t pressure them about it! 😆😆)
Aiy. So familiar a story. But Imuh hold this space for you. Sometimes we need an encounter with the thing we are healing from to show us just how powerful we are and to learn to be ok with not always having the spiritual energy to fight.
🥹 Yeah I was also reminded not to be caught slipping. I already knew I was elbows deep in a spiritual testing mode while I was detoxing/fasting….but I forgot to stay ready for all levels of foolishness. I’m proud I didn’t crash out or come out of my gentle character despite the inner rage.
But more importantly, I didn’t revert to my toxic coping addictions when I got home. Whew! These exams be tryna take me out!
Meanwhile, I appreciate you for holding space and grace. 🤗💕
Yeah, fasting/detoxing is tricky. It can leave you vulnerable so you’re right about staying on point. So glad you held up under it and you didn’t fold to the old 💙
I’m so sorry for your pain, and your family’s pain. I do get it, about your mom. Please, please, do extra good and gentle things for yourself, for as long as it takes.
Tabitha, you don’t know how much I relate to what you just wrote about your mother. I won’t go into deets because I don’t want to hijack your pain or make it seem like I have it worse. I just so feel this because I have the same type of Mom. And I’m her caretaker! I will say this, when my father died about 8 years ago, I was there. I held his hand, I set him free by telling him we’d take care of Mom. I called my sibs who couldn’t be there to have them talk to his unconscious body. I sat the death watch for a man I once hated, and who I now felt only sadness for what could have been. I never cried. 8 years later, still no tears because I really just don’t feel anything for him. He was the male version of my mom but worse. Anyways, I’m sorry that you had to see someone that tormented you.
I want to add this too, I hate my father’s big hands. They only caused physical pain to me, that or a wooden stick. It took all my emotional strength to take his hand while he was dying.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, this toxic parental thing is so venomous and heartbreaking to deal with. So complex and painfully dense. I just always strive to see the lesson in the mirror of what the Universe shows me in these tests. And all I keep seeing is the strength despite their attempts to keep us weak! Stay strong, Robin!
It made me a better parent than my own, that’s for sure. Was I perfect? No. And I owned my mistakes. My 2 daughters turned out to be fantastic women. They will still hold my hand in public. 🥰🥰🥰🥰 now I need grandbabies! 😊😊😊 (but I don’t pressure them about it! 😆😆)
Great writing... Painful words and very powerful
Thank you so much. 🥹. I appreciate you
Facing unloving parents is one of life’s greatest challenges.
Really and truly.
Aiy. So familiar a story. But Imuh hold this space for you. Sometimes we need an encounter with the thing we are healing from to show us just how powerful we are and to learn to be ok with not always having the spiritual energy to fight.
From where I’m standing, you did good. Real good.
🥹 Yeah I was also reminded not to be caught slipping. I already knew I was elbows deep in a spiritual testing mode while I was detoxing/fasting….but I forgot to stay ready for all levels of foolishness. I’m proud I didn’t crash out or come out of my gentle character despite the inner rage.
But more importantly, I didn’t revert to my toxic coping addictions when I got home. Whew! These exams be tryna take me out!
Meanwhile, I appreciate you for holding space and grace. 🤗💕
Yeah, fasting/detoxing is tricky. It can leave you vulnerable so you’re right about staying on point. So glad you held up under it and you didn’t fold to the old 💙
Damn! I'm sorry for the loss and triggering experience with your mom!
Thanks Jamal 🥹🙏🏽.
I’m so sorry for your pain, and your family’s pain. I do get it, about your mom. Please, please, do extra good and gentle things for yourself, for as long as it takes.
🤗 it’s my focus for the next while. Thank you 🫡💕
That was gutwrenching.
I figured if I had to go thru it, I'd drag the rest of y'all with me. 😅🥹😔