THE KEYS TO TORTURE PART 2: PIECES OF INSANITY

A short story in Nikki's POV

Get caught up with the first short story THE KEYS TO TORTURE.

Now enjoy the second instalment written as Nikki’s POV of diary travesty:

PIECES OF INSANITY

I was so happy for Tatiana when she finally got a diary with a lock.

Well… happy and jealous, if I’m being honest.

I had been begging Mummy for months and months to get me one just like Tee’s, but she wasn’t having it.

I tried again just weeks before it was my 11th birthday. I was helping her prep for dinner to coax her into changing her mind.

“Puhhhleeeeeeeeze Mummy! Can I get the purple version of Tee’s diary with the lock? I don’t want anything else for my bday! Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeze!”

“Nikki, my sweet baby girl, you know I would give you most anything in this world — in fact, I’ve given you every fuzzy, fluffy, cheetah printed, glow in the dark type of notebook you’ve asked for — but we don’t do locks in this house. What do we do?” She cooed sweetly as she massaged the curry into the chicken.

“We do love and respect for each other’s privacy,” I mumbled bitterly.

And suddenly a demon appeared behind us.

“THAT’S RIGHT! WE DO LOVE AND RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER’S PRI-VAH-CEEEEEEEE!” Candace sang over my shoulder. I shielded the plantain I was cutting so her stank aura and spit wouldn’t taint the food.

Candace was my evil older sister, two years my senior.

Her attitude was just frowsy, even before the puberty. She was always in a one-sided competition with me about everything. She was constantly up in my business trying to find things to rat me out to Mummy about to get me in trouble — sometimes blaming me for things she did when she couldn’t find any dirt on me for a while. She’d try to humiliate me in front of our mutual friends her age, insisting that the only reason they were nice to me was because of her. She constantly teased me about my rapidly changing body, my clothing and hairstyles, and my special bond with Tee.

In a lot of ways, she reminded me of Tatiana’s mother — so much so, Tee and I would joke about her being with the wrong family. We’d fantasize about the day Mrs. Brathwaite would discover that Candace and Tatiana were switched at birth and Tee could come live with me.

Clearly that was illogical 10 year old girl foolishness because Tee and Candace weren’t even the same age. But tortured girls will dream up miracles when living in a nightmare.

“Oh look, it’s the reason I need a locked DIE-AH-REEEEE!” I sang back bitterly through gritted teeth.

Candace flashed me a sinister smile.

“Candace, I know she can’t be talking about you cuz I know I raised both of you to not go through each other’s things. Right?” Mummy trilled without taking her eyes off the chicken bowl.

Candace gave me a hard poke in the ribs, making my knife holding hand slip and knick the outer tip of my thumb.

I was tempted to swing the knife her way to return the favour; the growing bead of blood calling for my immediate attention being her only saviour.

I dropped the knife with a low growl.

“Of course, Mummy! Oh, Nikki! You clumsy bumsy girl! Look what you’ve done to yourself. Let me help you with your cut,” Candace lilted with feigned concern.

Mummy finally peeled her eyes from the bowl to see Candace forcibly wrapping my hand in a wet towel.

“Nikki! Let your sister help you. Go put a bandaid on that and rest in the living room. Candace and I will finish up here,” She instructed as she surveyed the damage to my finger.

Candace stood behind Mummy making wild crude gestures and sticking her tongue out at me.

“Yeah, bay-bee. You’re too young to handle the knife. You go rest like a little bay-beeee. Me and Mummy will talk about what you should get for your birthday,” Candace patted my head while those breathy words slapped me with stank hot air.

“You need a mint.” I waved her away.

“And you need Jesus,” she retorted sarcastically.

My mother turned to us again impatiently: “We all need Jesus — and you’re gonna need him most if you don’t get to finishing this plantain with me. Nikki, go on now so we can discuss your birthday plans.”

“Yes, and maybe if you’re nice to me, I will convince Mummy to get you what you want,” Candace hissed in my ear.

I didn’t feel confident in getting what I wanted with my sister involved.

I had walked on eggshells with Candace every day leading up to my birthday — doing her bidding, keeping the peace and biting my tongue every time she baited me to sabotage my chances of receiving her help to convince Mummy.

The flesh wound on my thumb tip had healed, but my anxiety was still as fresh as the day was young.

Two weeks later, I was proven right.

We had a small gathering — Mummy, Daddy, Candace, Tee and me. There were gifts shipped to me from my Aunties and Uncles abroad mixed in with the small pile of presents Mummy had stacked on the coffee table.

Mummy had agreed to a sleepover with Tee after the party was done, so I was excited for that at the very least.

I opened the gifts from my relatives first — mostly clothes, and a beautiful purple leather satchel from my favourite Aunty Dawn who remembered how much I admired a similar one she had on her last visit.

Candace was visibly jealous at the sight of the satchel, snatching it up for further inspection.

“No fair! I loved Aunty Dee’s bag too! You better let me borrow this or I’m never letting you use my karaoke machine again,” she whined, eyeing me and the bag through bitterly squinted eyes.

“Candace, cool yourself. I’m sure Aunty Dawn will bring you something nice for your birthday too. Let Nikki enjoy her present,” Daddy sighed. He had little patience for Candace’s jealous tantrums — especially since he tended to give her more than me on a consistent basis.

Tee and I locked eyes and stifled cackles which infuriated Candace even more.

“Ok Nikki, open your last gift from me and your father!” Mummy chirped gleefully.

Candace immediately relaxed her whole body — facing me with an evil grin as she handed my new satchel back to me.

Tee and I locked eyes again and gulped simultaneously.

“I can’t open it, Tee. Can you do it?” I begged my friend. I grabbed her hand, sending a visible shock to her whole body.

Tee took the gift with one hand while holding onto mine with the other. She carefully peeled back a layer of wrapping paper to reveal another pattern of paper underneath.

Candace giggled.

Tee tentatively tore another layer of paper to reveal yet another pattern of paper wrapping the box.

Candace clapped her hands and cackled.

“Candace! I told you to wrap the gift nicely. I didn’t mean to wrap it a million times and waste my good paper,” Mummy scolded.

Daddy joined Candace in the gigglefest.

Their laughter shifted my anxiety into frustrated impatience. I grabbed the present from Tee and roughly ripped the rest of the reams to get to the core of the box holding my present.

I drew in a big breath as I opened it up.

I exhaled an excited squeal as I began lifting out a purple leather bound book. In my peripheral, I noticed an evil grin widening on Candace’s face.

As I continued to pull out the rest of the book, I understood her expression.

There was no lock. No keys.

Just 500 lined pages bound between beautiful leather that opened easily for others’ perusal like loose lips.

I felt deflated, defeated and depleted.

“Nikki! What’s wrong? I thought you said you wanted a purple leather diary like Tee’s? It’s almost exactly the same except for that silly lock business. Aren’t you happy?” Mummy challenged sweetly.

Candace wasted no time: “Yeah, Nikki! Aren’t you grateful?”

Daddy pulled Candace out of my face and sat down on the ground directly facing me.

“You are a beautiful writer with beautiful thoughts, and we ALL promise not to read them unless you want to show them to us. Just promise me you’ll write me at least one poem that I can hear,” Daddy spoke softly, gently wiping the corners of my eyes that threatened to reveal my disappointed tears.

I nodded with a little smile.

“Thanks for my gifts. I love it,” I choked out.

“I think this book is so beautiful! Let’s go upstairs and write a song in the first pages!” Tee pulled on me to get up. She flashed me a mischievous smile that snapped me out of my funk.

We quickly scooped up all the gifts and raced upstairs to my room.

I could hear Mummy telling Candace to stay downstairs.

While I was busy barricading the door with my dresser, Tee was fumbling for something in her overnight bag.

I turned around to see her waiting for me with her arms around her back. She was beaming with an ear to ear smile.

“What are you hiding behind your back?” I whispered suspiciously.

She giggled and nervously bounced in one place.

I took some steps toward Tee and stared at her beautiful brown face.

“Thank you for being here with me today. It means everything to me,” I brushed her cheek with my lips, sending her body in a similar shock as the one she had downstairs.

Tee dropped a small box from her hands behind her. Before she could retrieve it, I snatched it with the quickness.

“Nikki! Not fair!” Tee pretended to pout.

I danced and giggled as I opened it the purple polka dotted paper covering a purple suede rectangular box.

I stopped. My eyes widened.

“What did you get me?” I gasped.

“Open it, foolie!” It was her turn to giggle and dance.

I opened the box to find the same long slim silver necklace that I had gifted to Tee for her birthday.

But there were no keys attached. My heart sank again. My eyes watered the seeds of the disappointment left despairingly in their ducts.

“No no no….don’t be sad! I ordered you the diary in the colour you wanted but it hasn’t come yet. They only had the blue ones left in the store,” Tee consoled me quickly.

She took the necklace out and doubled it before putting it gently on me. Her budding breasts bumped against mine as she manoeuvred the necklace around the back of the braids.

I inhaled a shaky breath.

She smelled like geranium, goat’s milk, coconut oil, blood oranges, and mangos.

“Your mom still hasn’t caught on to the mango poop trick yet?” I whispered through the awkward silence.

She finished finagling with the necklace and took a step back to meet my gaze with a smile. Her hands trailed down from my neck, along my shoulders and down my arms. She took both my hands in hers.

“No, thank God! I would die if she saw what I wrote about us,” her voice cracked.

I could see the wheels in her mind steering for a direction.

“What about us?” I implored her with my eyes. I could feel her heart thumping through her finger tips.

“Nikki….I…..” Tee began when a loud thud interrupted her.

We both turned to face the sound; it was Candace trying to breach the barricade at my door.

“Moooooooooom. Nikki has something blocking her door again!” Candace screeched from outside my room.

Tee and I rolled our eyes and shoved the dresser aside to open the door.

“Mummy! Candace was trying to open my door without knocking again!” I echoed her annoying screech. Candace dug her nails into my arm.

“What were you lil freaks doing in here that you needed to block the door, huh?” Candace taunted with a sneer.

Mummy appeared at the door: “Candace, leave your sister alone and give her some privacy. I told you to grab your night things and come back down to sleep on the couch; not to immediately go trouble your sister. Now get!”

Candace unclenched her claws from my flesh and turned hotly towards the direction of her room across the hall. We all waited at my corridor to watch her collect her things and head downstairs. She was mumbling and grumbling the whole time like a schizophrenic homeless person.

She flashed me an evil smile before she descended the stairs: “Sleep tight. Don’t let the lady bugs bite.”

She read in one of my previous diaries that I had an unhealthy fear of lady bugs.

Mummy shook her head as she turned to face me, cupping my face in her hands: “Ok, now you two won’t need to barricade no more doors. Candace will be downstairs with me for the night. Try not to be too loud or eat too much of that candy you begged me for, you hear?”

I nodded gratefully. She kissed me on my forehead, noticing the necklace with a raised eyebrow.

“This looks a lot like the necklace we ordered for Tee’s birthday,” Mummy glanced over to see Tee’s nervous smile.

“Yes, Mummy Marshall! I wanted us to match. Twin vibes! Heheheeee,” Tee spilled out goofily.

Mummy furrowed her brows in suspicion.

“Can we use the karaoke machine for the next hour?” I interrupted her thoughts.

“NO MUMMY! SHE CAN’T USE MY MACHINE!!!” Candace bellowed from downstairs.

Mummy laughed, waiving Candace’s commands away.

“Yes, Nikki. One hour only though. After that you can watch movies at a low volume.”

Tee and I quickly grabbed the gear and set the timer so we could get to it.

“NO MORE BARRICADES!” Mother yelled above the sounds of Mariah Carey’s “We Belong Together”.

I trusted Mummy to keep an eye on Candace, so I obeyed.

We cracked open my new purple leather book to write a song together.

“What should we write about?” Tee asked.

“Let’s write about sex,” I sang daringly. Tee’s eyes almost popped out of her head.

“I don’t know anything about that,” Tee played with her microphone, avoiding my gaze.

“Ok, let’s write about a first kiss,” I ventured innocently as I searched for another song for us to write music to.

Tee pursed her lips and gave me a sarcastic look.

“I don’t know anything about that either, Nikki.”

I finished queuing up Muni Long’s “Made For Me” and sang the first verse in Tee’s direction.

Tee started nervously laughing but joined me at the bridge.

We belted the chorus and descended into laughter by the second verse.

I took her hand and smiled.

“I love you too, Tatiana,” I pressed my mouth onto hers.

She parted her lips enough for me to slip the tip of my tongue in. She tasted like the cherry chip cake we had just eaten before opening the presents.

The next song automatically came on, “Hrs and Hrs”.

I could feel Tee’s breath quickening as I traced the inside of her lips with my tongue. Her tongue tentatively tested its reply to mine.

I opened my eyes just a smidge. Hers were wide open. I couldn’t hold my composure and broke away in a chuckle.

Tee looked confused.

“You’re not supposed to have your eyes open, dummy!” I cackled uncontrollably.

Tee immediately backed away from me, embarrassed and hurt. It sobered up my laughter.

“I’m sorry, Tee Tee. It just looked so crazy to me. I’m not making fun of you, I promise,” I consoled. She still looked really hurt.

“It was a really good first kiss before I messed it up,” I offered, taking back her hand in mine. She relaxed her body a bit.

“Do you…..do you wanna try again so we can really write about it?” Tee asked shyly. I just wanted to hold her so tightly.

I moved in closer.

“That sounds like a really good idea.”

Tee closed her eyes so tightly, I almost cackled again. Instead, I kissed them and whispered, “Relax.”

I closed my eyes and found her mouth. I could feel her trembling a little bit.

I’d only kissed two other boys before Tee and it felt nothing like this.

Her lips were 1000 times more supple. Softer than anything I’d ever felt in my 11 years. There was a tenderness and an enigmatic energy that seemingly coursed through her body into mine via those voluminous lips.

I knew Tee had a crush on me for a while. I had never thought about girls like that before I met Tee. I never thought about other girls like that after her, either.

But that kiss aroused both hormones and questions about who I am within me. I loved Tee because I could trust her to not only ask those questions, but explore them.

After what felt like an eternity, we pulled apart from the kiss gasping for air.

I could tell Tee wanted to pull me back in for more, but I stopped her.

“We gotta write about it while it’s still fresh!” I exclaimed breathlessly. She smiled and nodded in agreement.

When I tell you, we christened my new book with the most intimate, intricate, detailed and delicious depiction of what that kiss was like…..whew chile!!!!! We finished the song with freaky things we’d like to try the next time we kiss.

“We can’t leave this in this book, Tee,” I whispered sardonically. Even though Candace was so far away, I still felt like she was trying to eavesdrop.

“You’re right, but what are we going to do with it?” Tee asked.

We sat in deep contemplative silence trying to concoct a feasible plan.

I threw my hands up in despair.

“We have to rip it up!” I exclaimed. Tee jumped.

“Girl, no! It’s so good!” She pleaded.

“We can’t risk it. It’s wayyyyy too bait. We can just write another version of it when we sneak my locked diary in.”

Tee nodded sadly. I grabbed her face and smiled.

“It just means we will have to recreate everything we did to get it right again,” I whispered. Her eyes lit up as she caught my drift.

“Ok, let’s rip it!” Tee exclaimed giddily.

We shredded the pages and tossed them in my purple garbage bin. I planned to dump it in the main garbage outside in the morning.

We passed out soon after; crashing out hard after the sugar and adrenaline wore off.

Mummy woke us the next morning with the promise of a massive breakfast. We got wrapped up in the excitement of all the yummy foods that I forgot to empty my bin.

I briefly noticed offhandedly that Candace was uncharacteristically not up my ass while we were in the kitchen helping with the prep. I was too happy to think much about it.

That is, until she was called to the table to eat and I saw her malicious smile.

She looked happier than I’ve ever seen her which meant she was up to no good.

“How was your little sleep over, Tee? Did you and Nikki have SOOOOO much fun?” She sang sweetly as she took her seat across from me.

Tee was too busy shovelling eggs into her face to realize Candace’s tone wasn’t matching her mischievous face.

“Oh, yeah! It was the best! We had so much fun using your karaoke machine to make up songs,” Tee gloated. She danced in her seat crunching on bacon and toast with her eyes closed.

“I bet. Sounds like you had a night filled with ECSTASY,” Candace enunciated the last word slowly as she stared into my horrified eyes.

My soul left my body with no PTO. Just up and quit.

Tee’s eyes flew open; immediately ceasing from bouncing in her seat upon hearing the title of our song.

“Candace! Now where did you learn a word like that? That’s not appropriate breakfast talk!” Mummy scoffed uncomfortably. She began mowing harder into her steak and eggs.

My mind was racing to remember if I’d heard Candace by our door the night before but I was sure the coast was clear.

How did she know about the song?

Candace kept her eyes fixed on my fearful face as she lifted up an oddly crinkled looking paper. I narrowed my eyes to ascertain what was making it look that textured.

It took me a few seconds before I realized it was tape.

This bitch taped together the pieces of our song!

I could see Tee starting to shake uncontrollably with fear.

I begged Candace with my watering eyes.

“Please. Don’t. Do. It,” I mouthed silently with quivering lips.

She revelled in this torture. She raised and lowered the crinkled sheet as Mummy continued obliviously sawing away at her steak into perfect pieces.

As Candace taunted the paper one last time, Mummy snatched it from her hands like a frog lick of a fly.

“What is this foolishness you have here?” She narrowed her eyes to read the crinkled pieces.

Her expression turned from confusion to disgust as she got to the bottom of the page.

Candace’s smirk disappeared when she looked back at me.

There was only murder on my mind.

“Is this why you wanted a lock on your diary?” Mummy screeched.

“Mummy! I’m sorry! I knew it was wrong so that’s why I tore it up right away! Candace went in my room to put it back together! She invaded my privacy!” I tried to deflect her disdain and disappointment.

“I wouldn’t have anything to piece together if you hadn’t written that nastiness, Nikki! Don’t put this on ME! You and Tee are NASTY!” Candace screamed haughtily.

Tee shot up and flew upstairs, wailing and flailing into my room.

"Candace, go to your room,” Mummy commanded calmly.

“Me!??? I didn’t do anything wrong! Nikki is the one….” Candace cried incredulously.

Mummy slammed her hand on the table.

“CANDACE, NOT ANOTHER WORD!” Mummy shouted.

Candace stitched in a sob with her quivering pout as she ran to the stairs. I could hear the floodgates of her cries escape as she ascended to her room.

Mummy avoided my eyes, staring intensely at the steak all cut up but not eaten yet.

“Mummy, it was just a song. I’m sorry…” I pleaded again. She held her hand up again as if to slam it. It hung suspended there like she was waiting for a high five from her Ancestors.

After an excruciatingly long time she put that hand down and turned to face me.

I couldn’t see past the film of my fearful tears filled to the brim.

“Perhaps you were right. You are a growing girl with growing thoughts and feelings that need to remain private and protected. I’m sorry for what your sister did to you. I don’t know where she gets this cruelty from. But until I can fix it, I will get you a lock on your door, and a lock on your future diaries. Can you forgive me?” Mummy said in a low shaky voice.

I’d never seen her so heartbroken and disappointed.

“You’re not mad at me for what I wrote?” I asked barely above a whisper. I was so worried I’d ruined the love she had for me.

Mummy moved to Tee’s seat beside me and grabbed my face, searching my eyes for my thoughts. Her eyes knitted together with emotions I couldn’t determine.

“You are a brave girl; a brilliant writer. You are only 11 years old and already expressing yourself with the unabashed boldness that people twice your age are too cowardly to explore. It’s my job to make you feel safe enough to do so freely and truthfully. I failed as your Mummy by letting your sister bully you into hiding. Are you not mad at me?” Mummy took her hands from my face to cover her own.

I was in absolute shock. I looked up beyond Mummy to see Tee standing at the corridor in the kitchen, equally shocked mixed with something dark that looked like anger.

Was it jealousy?

“It’s ok, Mummy. I know now you’ll keep me safe.” We hugged tightly. I opened my eyes again in time to see Tee roll her eyes at us. She had her overnight bag on her shoulder.

“Tee! It’s ok! We’re not in trouble. Come back and finish having birthday breakfast with me,” I urged.

Tee kept her gaze at her feet.

“Yeah, I called Mother and told her to pick me up cuz I wasn’t feeling good. Mrs. Marshall, I’d really appreciate if you didn’t tell my mother what happened, but I understand if you feel you have to. I gotta go,” Tee snatched the taped together papers and bolted out the front door.

This first piece of my eleventh year shaped my entire core.

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